29th March, 1998- The memory of the day still stays fresh in my mind. That was the day you left us to continue your journey into God's loving hands. I remember your cry of pain, the way you clutched your heart, the manner in which your body was slumped on the couch. I know you fought your way through the pain, Appa. I know you wanted to live and I know you didn't want to leave us alone.
But God is great. He knew you have done your job here. It took me years to understand this, but I do know now. You have done your job here Appa, but I just wished you stayed on to see the results of your good deeds.
You didn't merely bring life to us...you shined your ways through all our hearts, you blessed us with your ever charming smile and you loved us for the way we are. You are the epitome of life, Appa and it saddens me that I never got to convey that to you.
For the first few years after your untimely demise, I often find myself sitting and thinking about you. I walk into an empty house and I could almost hear you calling out to me. I cry myself to sleep, hoping that I'll see you the next day. I think about you in times of trouble, wishing that you can just bundle me up and solve my problems. I think about you in times of joy, wishing that you can just share the happiness I felt. I think about practically everyday, for you are a person worth thinking about.
As time passed, my life got busier and busier. So much so that I stopped hearing your voice in the empty house. I even stopped crying myself to sleep but for the life of me, I could never stop thinking about you. All because, you have never stopped being the charming person that was so uniquely you.
Every family function that I attend, there were always relatives who reminisce their time spent with you. And that's when I realized that you not only shined our lives, but hundreds, maybe thousands of lives out there. That was your gift and you never failed to share it with others. That's what makes you uniquely you.
I realized today I wasted years being sad and sorrowful without you. The way you gave joy to others, I'm very sure you wouldn't want to be the cause of my sorrows today. And so I've decided! I've decided that I'm going to be happy whenever I think about you. I've decided that I'm going to listen to every single word said by others on you and feel proud that after 13 years, you still gain a permanent place in all our hearts. I've decided that I'm going to celebrate life like you did, Appa and try to find a place in the hearts of others, just like you did.
Farewell Appa. I'm still missing you but be rest assured, there's no sorrow in my heart now. I still wish you're standing by my side today, then again, I know you'll stay in my heart forever. Farewell Appa, I love you!
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